We Are Love — Not the Lies Passed Down to Us
There’s something I’ve been sitting with lately, something that feels both deeply personal and quietly universal:
We are not the lies our ancestors carried.
We are not the fear that was handed to us.
At our core—beneath all of it—we are love.
I want to share a small piece of my story, because I think it speaks to something many of us carry, often without even realizing it.
My grandfather, on my mother’s side, grew up in Prince Edward Island during the Great Depression—a place of stunning beauty, but also deep hardship. At some point, my great-grandfather gave him $1,000 and sent him away, along with one of his brothers. Just like that—chosen, separated, exiled.
He made his way to New York, then into the U.S. military, serving in World War II in artillery, and continuing for years after. During that time, my mother was born into environments marked by instability and fear—places that, for a young child, felt dangerous and unpredictable.
My grandfather carried something heavy. Being sent away. The war. The disconnection. His brother expressed that pain outwardly, through anger. My grandfather turned inward. He became an alcoholic.
So when my mother needed a steady, present father—someone to see her, to protect her—he wasn’t able to show up in that way. And like all children do, she made sense of that absence the only way a child can:
There must be something wrong with me.
That’s how generational trauma works. It doesn’t announce itself. It seeps in quietly and becomes identity.
My mother carried that message into our home.
Even though we lived in a peaceful college town in the Northwest, her nervous system was still living in a war zone. Fear was everywhere. Death felt close. Safety felt fragile.
And so she tried to manage that fear the only way she knew how—through control, through order, through perfection.
And I became a part of that system.
If I was perfect, maybe things would be okay.
If I got the right grades, behaved the right way—maybe the anxiety would settle.
But the message I absorbed, deeply and quietly, was this:
There’s something wrong with me.
That message was then reinforced by a fundamental religious environment that told me, in different language, the same thing: that at my core, I was flawed.
But here’s what I’ve come to see:
That message is not truth.
In fact, it stands in direct opposition to the heart of what I believe now—that we are loved, that we belong, that we are not broken at our core.
There’s a powerful idea in The Body Keeps the Score—that trauma doesn’t just live in our thoughts. It lives in our bodies. It gets carried forward, generation to generation, unless something interrupts it.
For me, that interruption began in my late 20s.
I would be getting ready for the day, stepping into the shower before heading out to work as a missionary—and something inside me started to break open. Waves of panic would rise up through my body. Not just anxiety, but something deeper. Older. Unprocessed.
It was like my body was saying, “We can’t carry this anymore.”
That’s what led me into therapy. First through narrative therapy, and then into Internal Family Systems (IFS).
A Different Way Forward
Internal Family Systems offers something I wish I had known earlier:
That we are not one fixed identity—we are made up of parts.
Parts that carry pain. Parts that carry fear. Parts that learned beliefs like “I’m not enough” or “Something is wrong with me.”
And beneath all of those parts is something steady, calm, and whole—what IFS calls the Self.
That place in you that was never broken.
That place that knows how to love, how to lead, how to heal.
This work isn’t about fixing you.
It’s about helping you unburden what was never yours to carry.
A Name Change — Making Space for Everyone
As this work has deepened, something else has become clear.
We are changing the name from Deep Water Soul Care to Deep Water Emotional Health.
This comes from a place of care.
For many of my dear brothers and sisters who have been hurt by the church or by high-control religion, even the word “soul” can feel loaded—or even unsafe. And the last thing I want is for language to become a barrier to healing.
Deep Water Emotional Health is about creating space for everyone—
Whether you come from a faith background, are deconstructing one, or have none at all.
A place where you can come as you are. No pressure. No expectation. Just room to heal.
Why This Matters to Me
This isn’t just professional for me—it’s deeply personal.
I know what it’s like to carry generational pain.
To inherit fear.
To believe, deep down, that something is wrong with you.
And I also know what it’s like to begin to unlearn that.
To discover that what you’ve been carrying… wasn’t yours.
And that underneath it all—you are love.
An Invitation
If something in you resonates with this—whether it’s anxiety, depression, chronic pain, childhood trauma, or the effects of high-control religion—I want you to know you don’t have to do this alone.
I offer 55-minute therapy sessions:
Virtually across Colorado and the United States
In-person in Longmont and Centennial
And in nature across the Front Range (including Denver and Boulder)
And your first 55-minute session is completely free.
No pressure. Just a place to begin.
You can reach out at:
nathan.cooley@deepwateremotionalhealth.com
720-369-4630
deepwateremotionalhealth.com
If the walls of your life feel like they’re closing in right now…
It might not be the end.
It might be the beginning of seeing clearly.
Of coming home to yourself.
And of remembering something that has always been true:
You are not broken.
You are not the lies.
You are love.
Hear What an IFS Session Sounds Like
Curious what this work actually feels like?
You’re invited to listen to a sample Internal Family Systems session featuring Nathan Cooley, Director of Deep Water Emotional Health, as a guest on the popular podcast Holistic Health with Melissa Armstrong. This episode offers a real-life glimpse into how IFS gently helps people connect with and heal their inner child parts.
Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2O3Yx0gHxF7bzlj2Dtnq5U?si=LgOONmJ-SdaA0GIlz3ba6Q
Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-46-why-trauma-lives-in-the-body-ifs-somatic/id1778991009?i=1000748373617
Ready to Begin Your Healing Journey?
If this resonates with you, you don’t have to do this alone. Healing your inner child is possible, and support can make all the difference.
Book a free 55-minute consultation with Deep Water Emotional Health to explore how Internal Family Systems can help you move toward greater peace, clarity, and emotional freedom.
Your inner child has been waiting for someone to listen.
If you would like a free 55-min therapy session, click the link below.
Or email me at Nathan.cooley@deepwateremotionalhealth.com
720-369-4630
https://deepwateremotionalhealth.com/contact
With Love,
Nathan Cooley